they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
