If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
