it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
