bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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