I didn't shave. On purpose
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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