At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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