goodnight i made you a song goodbye
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
