is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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