i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
