ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
