He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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