my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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