How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
