Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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