get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
