I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
