Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
