Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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