remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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