my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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