I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
