I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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