ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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