Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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