woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
