ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
