I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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