You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
