At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize