He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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