the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
