i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize