I showed him my bush... on skype.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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