I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
