: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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