I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
