As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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