I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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