I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just pee around me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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