you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
