I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
