Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
