Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
