I look better un-naked...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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