We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
