I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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