I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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