Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
