does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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