I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
