so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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