just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
