um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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