so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize