woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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