put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
