When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
