Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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