Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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