Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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