i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
