i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When are your genitals available?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
