Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
