Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
