I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
