NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
